yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Duck Duck Cougar?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
