new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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