so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just cut my nipple shaving
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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