I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
