I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
