you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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