She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
