the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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