Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
