We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
