Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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