Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize