I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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