just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
