I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The air taste purple.
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