my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
