She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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