Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
