i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
