It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
