Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
