wrigley field is MILF paradise
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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