Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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