guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
