How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
