the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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