I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
where are you?
Hypothermia
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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