sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
