They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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