Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
