You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
