we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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