I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
