i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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