Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
