Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
