I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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