you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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