DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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