fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
