It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
