she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
