Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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