I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
