Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
