Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
