everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
