i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
