I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
