The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
