Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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