On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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