it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was confusing and full of hummus
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
