I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
