Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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