Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
