for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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