I wish my penis had an off switch
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
