well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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