There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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