Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
