I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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