Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
