Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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