So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
