I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
