Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize