I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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