PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
