Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize