It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
