I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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