It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
