i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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