will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
