I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i will never coherently bang her
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
