I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
