dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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