Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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