party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
