Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
