I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
