Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
