I'm going to jail i love you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
