omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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