You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
