I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I puked a lego.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
