never play flip cup with pint glasses
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize