piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
