so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
3pm strippers are depressing
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
