pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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