She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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