I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
