i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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