yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You are a booty call, not a friend.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
