I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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