i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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