Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
