I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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