I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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