Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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