That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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