There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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