Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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