Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
