whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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